On-wards and Upwards

It's been awhile since I last updated, so I apologize. Life has been a little crazy lately. As an educator, those that are fellow educators know that this time of year can be, well, NUTS! In addition, I recently went back to graduate school for a second round, so that's added some additional craziness to my plate. But enough of that... It's time for a much needed update on my infertile life :)

As a quick recap, we decided to take a little hiatus from medical fertility treatments for a couple of months - for various reasons. During this break I've been working hard to really focus on some more natural approaches to helping increase fertility... such as exercise (pilates and yoga for fertility), self-fertility massage, and eating as clean and as healthy as I can. After a couple of months, while I can't say that I'm pregnant just yet, I can however say that I do believe these things have definitely helped and increased my fertility, in various ways... and have made me much healthier (and more aware of what I'm putting into my body) in the process!

I've worked hard to cut most processed foods, white refined sugars, caffeine, and other toxins (by eating about 80-90% organic) out of my diet and rid my body of the negative effects they all have, not only on my health, but more specifically on my fertility.

So where do things go from here, you ask?

Well, we're actually ready to go back to fertility treatments (that is of course, unless this month happens to be 'the month' - I will never loose hope!) and we're gearing up for our next step of the plan, which consists of drum-roll please:...NEEDLES! Yup, for this next cycle we (I, really) will be taking daily gonadotropin injections and then we'll have IUI number 3 scheduled.

Yesterday, we actually had our appointment with one of the nurses at Dr. M's office to have our 2-hour "training session" to go over all that basics and nitty gritty of doing the self-injections.

Looks like I have TONS of fun ahead of me here in the near future.

But really though, in a weird way I'm actually kind of excited to start this next phase. I mean, I'm not necessarily jumping out of my chair to start injecting myself (or have the hubs do so) on a daily basis, but I'm definitely looking forward to the hopeful possibility that this next phase represents. I'm so happy that we took a couple of months to just breathe and re-set ourselves, as well as focus on getting even healthier... and now I'm ready to go back in for round whatever we're technically on (three, four?).

So that's that really... Still loving my green smoothies and juice. Still pilat-ing and massaging my way to a baby. And oddly enough, looking forward to apparently beginning to stick needles into myself on a regular basis. Life's awesome! Really, it is!... That wasn't sarcastic!! :)

So Far So Good... and a Mini-Lesson on Fertility, Nutrition & Exercise

So here's an update on my "a bit more natural approach" to infertility over the past few weeks... so far, so good :) I've been enjoying my "green juice" and "green smoothies," which have definitely helped me get a healthy serving of some powerful super food greens, as well as other antioxidants.

Antioxidants greatly help in countering the negative effects of free radicals - which we all have floating around in our bodies and which are responsible for causing damage to your body at a cellular level. Therefore antioxidants help promote healthy cell development and regeneration, for example in egg and sperm development (which is obviously important for both women and men when TTC). Each food obviously has it's own benefits and effects, but in addition to antioxidants, some of the other main vitamins and minerals that are needed to help promote fertility include:

- Follate aka Folic Acid... which is an obvious one

- Zinc... used to create genetic material and help with healthy sperm production in males (preventing chromosomal abnormalities)

- Omega 3 Essential Fatty Acids... help promote healthy hormone development and healthy brain development in your growing baby (once pregnant)

- Iron... low iron or iron deficiencies may impact ovulation (or contribute to anovulation - not ovulating)

This by no means is an exhaustive list, as there are definitely other vitamins, minerals, and nutrients that help with healthy fertility, but these are among some of the ones I've been focusing on... in addition to the vitamin regimen my fertility doctor (we'll call him Dr. M's) has me religiously on. This regimen consists of prescription grade prenatal vitamins, calcium, CoQ10, and a twice daily supplement powder (that you mix into water) called Pregnitude. It's definitely a lot, given that you have to take into consideration that certain ones have to be taken at certain times, with certain amounts of water, within certain restrictions regarding food, etc. - but nonetheless, a small price to pay for this miracle baby that will be coming our way soon (I'm speaking positive affirmations here!).

I've also been incorporating a pilates routine into my workouts that helps promote fertility. This series of pilates moves is supposed to help specifically with any types of adhesions, endometriosis, fibroids, scar tissues etc - and while I don't have endometriosis, I did have some issues with scar tissue and some minor adhesions that were blocking one of my tubes, so I'm hoping this can help keep any of that from forming again (especially post-surgery). 

This routine specifically is fairly simple (even if you've never done pilates before) and doesn't take a ton of time... I think the video is about 17-18min, and a couple of those minutes are the intro., so really about 15min. or less.  

Here's the video from Jessica at Happy Hour Mama (check out her website or her YouTube Channel for other pilates workouts)...

One thing that's made a big difference for me, and really helped motivate me to get back into doing some pilates (and a bit of yoga too), is the point that she makes in her video about the positive detoxifying effects of pilates. 

I try to stay fit and active and try to workout at least 4-5 days a week, but like she mentioned, my issue has been that a lot of my workout routines have consisted of more static movements (running, strength training, high intensity cardio sometimes); so what I was missing was a lot of the deeper movements, including extending, bending, twisting, etc, that pilates helps provide... and that help more effectively detox your body and organs. So it's really a win - win.. positive effects on your body and exercise to help lengthen and strengthen your muscles (and help promote weight loss as well!)

Alright, I'm going to get down from the pilates soap-box bandwagon, but just end by saying that's it's something to look into if you happen to be interested.

Other than that, I'm just here enjoying the patter of rain that we're getting at the moment :)

Green Juice Monster

I've spent the past couple of days strictly following my "all natural" fertility plan that I've put myself on, and so far so good. I've been making (and actually kind of enjoying) my super green juice (so far consisting of tons of broccoli, spinach, and an apple)... not as bad as you would think. Check out this goodness...

I've also been doing some pilates designed to help promote fertility, as well as started a bit of yoga too. I'm going to give it a couple more days to see if I still like it, as well as do a bit more research, but then I will share the links for anyone who's interested... So far it seems promising.

In addition, I started self-fertility massage last night as well, and plan to continue with it daily until ovulation. Again, I'm going to give this a couple more days and then share the info. if I'm still liking it... wouldn't want to promote anything I'm not feelin' :)

Other than that, most other things have been pretty uneventful. I'm definitely continuing to appreciate my temporary break from appointments, but still am charting this month (and probably will do OPKs) just to continue to track ovulation and timing.

I've also mostly gotten over my conjured-up fear of judgement for taking a short break from medical treatment. In my last post I talked about how there was still some guilt that stuck with me in regards to making the decision the take this month off. I kind of felt like others would think, "Well, if you really wanted a baby badly enough, you wouldn't be taking these 'breaks' and would just being doing whatever medical intervention was necessary." I'm sure no one actually thinks that (if you do, please keep it to yourself), but I guess maybe part of me actually thinks that myself and is projecting (ok, now here comes the psychologist in me). Regardless, if there's one thing I've learned through this whole infertility quest, it's that everyone's journey is different... and everyone has the right to choose what's best for them, without judgement. No one knows what it's like to walk in another's shoes, therefore no one has the right to judge or even second guess and question your decision making. It's your call... and so I'm probably speaking more to myself here, but it's ok to choose whatever is best for you and your partner at the moment. Bottom line.

Anyone else who doesn't want to support, well, they can just keep their opinions to themselves... To everyone else, cheers to you with my green juice!

Hiatus Ended - Sort Of

Well I'm back from that little hiatus I took. Still not preggers, but so enjoyed that much needed "break" I went on from my crazy infertility ride (see this post for details). It was nice to not have to be so consumed with the daily reminders of my infertility for awhile... doctor's office visits, ultrasounds, medication, blood work, etc. But now it's time to come back to my reality... well sort of.

After 2 failed IUIs (and one non-response to Clomid cycle), I found myself needing to stop for a moment and hit the reset button... before continuing with the next scheduled part of the plan. According to my doctor, after my surgery (see Part 1 and Part 2 for a recap), the plan was 2-3 medicated cycles on Clomid with IUIs... and then if that didn't work, 2-3 more medicated cycles on injectables with IUIs. As of last month, I found myself on the cusp of moving on to that next phase of the plan - injectables, Now I'm not one who's afraid of needles by any means. So the thought of having to give myself (or have my husband give me) daily injections wasn't that hard to swallow. But what did make me hesitate for a moment before jumping into this next phase was the realization of how much more "close monitoring" I would need throughout this process. I guess call me spoiled, but the 1-2 times a week I was already spending at appointments while on Clomid, was stressful enough. So facing the fact that I would now be in the office every 2-3 days seemed more than I was ready for.

Therefore, while taking this past month off, I spent some time reflecting on what would be the next best step for us. Not just medically speaking, but emotionally, psychologically, and logistically. Yes, I want a baby - badly. There's no doubt about that. But my fear of judgement for our decision making was something I had to take a moment to get over. Judgement, you ask? Who's judging me? Well, in reality, honestly probably no one. But in my head, there's still some guilt that if I wanted a baby badly enough, I would be moving forward with whatever the next part of the medical plan would be and not be "needing to take a break"... So the thought that others may think this when they heard we were taking a month off from treatment, was something (albeit silly) that I need to work through.

After much deliberation, thoughtful reflection, and countless conversations with my hubs (he's seriously so awesome and SO supportive), we've decided to take this next month "off" from medical treatment as well. The battle I've struggled with over the past couple of months is wondering if my surgery in late October has in essence "reset my time clock." What I mean is, the fact that it's considered normal for it to take up to a year for healthy (fertile) couples to conceive. Therefore, since my surgery technically corrected the main issue that was causing our infertility, part of me wonders if that's kind of like re-starting my clock... meaning it could be normal for it to now take up to a year for us to conceive naturally - if that's even possible. The jury's still out apparently. However, then the realistic side of me reminds myself that "technically" we probably are no longer classified as that normal, healthy couple (even though I had corrective surgery). And, time is of the essence, at least selfishly. Regardless, I'm still in this teeter-totter of a thought process and not 100% confident of being fully ready to proceed to the next medical phase.

As with last month, we still obviously will "try" this month, but I like to think of it more as "trying the all natural route." This means that I will be embarking even further down the holistic, all natural route. Oh such exciting things I have planned for myself ahead. Fertility pilates and yoga, fertility massage, juicing, fertility smoothies (There's such a thing? Yup!) organic and super-food eating, etc... So I'm about to either 1) get pregnant the all-natural way - come on, fingers crossed... or 2) take a long ride on the crazy-train.

This should be interesting.

Today ---> Day 1 = Juicing with some super-food greens and fertility pilates. Juice was actually pretty good and pilates (plus my 2 mile hike with the hubs and "our boys") definitely helped relieve some stress.

We shall see how this goes and where it takes me... and really, how long it lasts, ha...

Either way, I'll at least be healthier in the end if I'm not pregnant, right?!?